Lifetime Lanterns

In her memoir, Lanterns, Marian Wright Edelman speaks about the mentors in her life and how they have helped light the path in her life. I myself have had quite a few lanterns in my life and with out them I do not who I would be today. An enormous amount of individuals have impacted my life since I entered the world of education. I always looked up to teachers for the answers and their guidance in my learning, I never failed to get attached to them each year. Hence my favorite identity theory, attachment theory. The brightest lantern I have had for about 17 years now, has been my clarinet instructor, Mr. Ruben Estrada. He opened many windows of possibilities in music and inspired me to continue playing no matter the circumstances. Our mentor relationship is just as strong as when we first met. He ignited my fuel for music and continues to motivate me to play, just as he persists in his own personal life journey to continue playing no matter the odds.

When I entered Texas A&M University, I found myself sitting the office of Ms. Carla Madison. Carla had a distinct way in which she helped students get connected with university life. She challenged her students to think critically and analyze their experiences. I was under Carla's supervision for two of the three years that I knew her. She saw me go through degree major changes, from Music to English, she saw me become a greek woman in Kappa Delta Chi, she saw me as a performer in the Aggie Symphonic Band, and most importantly she saw me develop as a leader through MSC organizations and Aggie Access. She was the person I would turn to when I was caught in a bind of decisions. With her guidance I never failed to make a wrong decision. I had found my lantern at A&M. However, my life was impacted by a major change in our relationship. Carla had decided to take a job at the University of Las Vegas. I decided to finish my career with Aggie Access after her departure to focus on CAMAC and KDX, as well as graduation. In Spring 2008 I received an email notifying me of Carla's passing. Prior to her passing, Carla had been recommending me for graduate school programs all the while battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I never got to tell her how much of an impact she had in my life. She is one of the reasons why I am studying and looking forward to working in Student Affairs. Although she has passed, her spirit continues to ignite my path.

In 2005, my involvement in MSC Committee for the Awareness of the Mexican-American Culture flourished. I saw myself working closely with Ms. Raye Leigh Stone. Her committment to our organization as an advisor motivated me to become a director and president of CAMAC. I grew an in-depth understanding ofthe MSC and university student unions, as well as student and leadership development. This also led to my choice to pursue student affairs and higher education. It was during Carla's departure that I found myself sitting in RL's office talking about life's choices and contemplating my next move in school, in work, in career choices, even life choices. What I admire most about RL is her balance in maintaining her work relationships as well as family. I continously struggle in staying connected with long time friends and family back home and sometimes let myself get consumed by my job and my studies. After my graduation from UVM RL is one I plan to emulate in balancing work and family. In the field of student affairs and higher education there is a constant conversation about work, life, and self balance. UVM does a great job in helping me understand my needs in order to stay sane in such a student driven job, just as RL's does. As my life began to unravel in Vermont, I began to pay close attention to the most important individuals in my life, my family. RL's light has aided in my self-growth and understanding, and for that I thank her.

Flash forwarding to my new chapter in life, VT. I have yet to find someone as special as Mr. Estrada, Carla, or RL, which saddens me a bit, but it has also helped me realize how much of an important role a mentor can play in one's life. However, through HESA's GC (graduate colleague, like a big/lil sis sorority program) program I have been able to find another lantern to brighten my trip in Vermont. Valerie Garcia is my GC! I met Valerie while I was researching programs. VT connected me with her, and we instantly bonded. She is from New Mexico, where she went on to graduate and work for A&M for a year (my senior year), and then went on to graduate school in Vermont. Valerie helped cultuvate an environment for me where I could be myself with out judgement, away from the UVM and the HESA community. She made me realize how much my sisters play a vital role in maintaining my sanity. Through girl talks and shopping dates we were able to vent to each other and become the closest of GC's I never thought we'd become. She has since left VT already to begin a new chapter in her own life. When she left, I felt just as I felt when I departed my sisters and family in TX. And it dawned on me how much she reminded me of my very own sisters. She played a vital role in my Vermont experiences, with out her, I do not know how sane I would be right now. I thank her for her honesty in keeping it real and in letting me be myself in a place where I had become lost.

"[Mentors] need a sense of shared purpose that comes from shared actions and struggles. And they need exposure to a wide variety of people doing worthwhile rather than frivolous or self-seeking things".

An Overview of my Assistantship

This year brought new experiences to my career in higher education as well as new meanings to working with a social justice mindset. Social Justice was never a proponent brought up in my previous programming experiences. However, in delving deeper into the issue I realized I had always been programming with a social justice intention. I always looked for that area or program in which I could voice my culture’s point of view, share my story, and educate others. This assistantship has helped me in defining what social justice means to me as well as my program and how I can be a social justice advocate. But overall, I found myself in a better place when I programmed about issues related to my culture and identity versus others.

The toughest part of the assistantship for me was creating interactive and meaningful discussions around issues the films would bring up. The issues did not particularly addressed all my identities, maybe some, but not all. I can easily put together a film series, however initiating and navigating the discussions before and after the film was tough. It was easier for me to turn to the film maker or producer to create those conversations because they could relate more to the issues than I could. In going through my program and social justice trainings, the idea of educating the dominant culture created a wall between me and the students. And with that wall, it has been tough to hold those conversations. My experiences might be different if there were more students of color in the audience, but that is not for me to determine. With experience and proper preparation I hope to tackle this part of my assistantship with confidence and hope to foster a better learning environment.

The best part of the assistantship is definitely coordinating the art gallery exhibits. Working with individuals and helping them craft their exhibit is a great part of this assistantship. Undergraduate students very often have experiences they like to share and helping them identify why that experience was important and establish their purpose is sharing the experience definitely adds to the mentoring/advising component of the HESA program in general. The last art exhibit definitely highlighted how the assistantship can be filled with joy and laughter. The colors in the exhibit did not only show off the artists attitude about her work, but it really brightened up the center and it helped end the semester on the right foot. It was a great experience and it taught me how art can truly relate to social justice and how one can teach social justice via art, an even greater reason for me to continue with my music!

Overall, I have traveled a long way from my initial being in the fall. It has been a long and draining road, but hopefully I can use the skills I have learned next year. I have attended social justice institutes where I have been able to identify my role as a social justice advocate. I have participated in cultural planning committees that have given me a different space and venue to express myself outside of my assistantship. And I know I am better prepared to program and create effective social justice dialogues next year.

A Year in Review in Vermont

My first year of graduate school is officially over!!! I must say it has been quite a ride. I have been challenged emotionally, personally, mentally, and some what physically. I cannot wait to see what other life-changing experiences my last year in Vermont will bring. In the fall semester I was eager to explore Vermont's culture and expand my horizons. I learned new terminology, new eating habits, new lifestyles and new trends. Most importantly, I was introduced to the idea of creating a social justice curriculum and experience. I attended Racial Aikido and Social Justice Training Institute which took place in what is now the ostracized state of Arizona. SJTI is a race-immersion institute and it is the place where I began to understand my identity and my role as an advocate for justice.


Although I had a semester of new beginnings, the spring semester brought unexpected moments filled with unbearable emotions. In the fall I was done exploring Vermont and began to long for home. Once I was able to go home for the holidays I was able to rejuvenate myself for another semester. However, little did I know I would need more than just rejuvenation to survive the semester. It began to dawn on me that I was changing (for the best or the worst?, I don't know). I began to feel invalidated, as if my statements did not mean anything to conversations in class and out of class. I was able to voice some concerns in written reflections, but that was not enough. I longed to speak with individuals that might understand what I was feeling. Those individuals turned out to be my family. I was able to express my frustrations and release some much needed stress. These conversations left me longing for my family and helped me somewhat understand the feelings of invalidation. I could not relate my experiences to others in class.


These realizations slowly helped me find my identity as well as identify what is important in my life - my family and my personal experiences. However, I have found it hard, here, to be myself. I feel my actions and statements are judged everyday and I never thought I'd feel like this in Vermont. I am constantly reminded that my Aggie experience is a "tokenized" experience. Meaning I was given the experience by the "dominant" culture to educate the "dominant" culture instead of earning my Aggie experience . . . I still do not know how to respond to this. The social justice component of this program is entrenched in race to an extent that it disturbs me. My racial identity is not as prevalent in my everyday life as class is, at least that is how I see it. I was raised with Hispanics all around me that class played a more vital role in my life. So it is difficult to relate to some statements said in class or in trainings. What does this mean? Ifeel as if I am seen as an American and not a Latino, and in class discussions being American is being and acting white, but I clearly look Latino. Perhaps that is why I prefer Hispanic as my identity. I am as Latino and as American and why should I have to choose either or? I feel as if when I speak I must speak from a Latino point of view, not an American/White point of view, but when I speak I speak from a Hispanic (American) point of, but what does that matter to my cohort members? Or to o our discussions? These feelings of invalidation consistantly over come me.



So, I have spent the semester speaking with family and friends about my experience and emotions and constantly find solace in their words of encouragemet. I will not give up on Vermont and I will push forth in having my voice heard and in solidifying my identity. My family and my experiences provide me with motivation to keep going. I constantly find myself surrounding myself with my culture. I have not forgotten where I come from, which is a stereotype in our culture once someone lives, but I have gained a better understanding of where I come from and how my experiences have shaped my life. Afterall, I am an Aggie living in Vermont, what can be harder than that, jk.

Hasta luego amigos, ojala mis experiencas se mejoran este verano, how's my spanish? :)