I think it's time for a new post. I know I have been MIA for a couple of months now. I graduated, have moved back home, and just completed my first on-campus interview, I think it's time. Many in the social justice and multicultural realm would characterize this move as a "re-entry" process. I know I will encounter the phases of the culture shock cycle, but the toughest part about going through this cycle is not having a job or the finances to 'medicate' what I might experience. Culture shock in VT was cured by hanging out with friends in the near by park, or hosting dinner parties, or putting a few hours at the gym, or simply taking up retail-therapy . . . all the luxuries of the privileged life. I have been spoiled. I have been spoiled rotten for almost seven years living in apartments with central air where the most spacious apt was a duplex. Mopping, sweeping, and gardening were no big deal. Just grab a vaccuum for a few minutes and house chores were done.
Today I find myself back in the confines of my home, where reality sits back in to place. I cannot simply ignore the struggles my family has endured and continues to endure in the politics-ridden communities of south Texas, not to mention its like that every where else. Anyhow, I am an individual who experiences anxiety if I am not cleaning, or feel as if something needs to be cleaned but I cannot pin-point what exactly. I have to have something in my hands, television or computer games will not cut it for me. A sense of accomplishment, even if at the smallest sense, is needed for me to avoid this angst. The other day, I woke up with the want to clean the home, thus I began to sweep. With two pups and a cat inside the house, I know what it takes to clean a home after owning two hairy cats in a closed apartment. I began to sweep and quickly felt a sense of accomplishment and looked forward to sitting down to continue the stress-filled job search (which I hope to have one by the end of the summer, fingers crossed). After a few minutes in, I began to experience the pain of what would soon become a blister . . .
I got a blister the first week I came back home to Texas when I was helping my mother with yard work. What is this? I thought. After working in the fields for 16 years, I never thought I would see a blister. Gloria Anzaldua, in her book "Borderlands", calls us valley Latinas the New Mestiza, La Nueva Mestiza. I consider myself, my sisters, and my mother, the new mestiza. We live in a place where we straddle lower/working class and lower middle class. Where we straddle between the use of central air and window units. Where we straddle raising one dog outside and two inside (in the Latino household inside pets are not common). Where we straddle between enjoying a family night out or a family night in with nachos and flammin' hots. Where we straddle between computer, desk, and classroom jobs and outside gardening and inside household work. Where we straddle between the responsibilities of female and male gender roles. Where we straddle between our identities of latina, americana, mexicana, and tejana. We are a houselhold of nueva mestizas.
When I am outside helping my mother with her rose bushes and trees, and everything a green thumb comes with, I think about my grandmas and their powerful and wise cuerpos. My guela Maria, my mom's aunt, came from Mexico with my mom in tow when my mother was only 7 years old (i think it was seven). She never learned to drive and always depended on others for transportation, OR she would just walk. After my grandfather passed away, she continued to fend for their place for 10 more years. During those ten years, she was diagnosed with diabetes, breast cancer, and other health related problems. But never in those ten years did she falter in helping her daughters out when they needed her help. In the fall of 1999, my family decided to head back up north for the winter season to work in the factories, leaving behind my older sister. It was her first year in HS and did not want to lose her marching spot. Instead of staying at our house, my grandma volunteered to walk every mornig to prepare my sister for school and every evening to wait for her when she arrived from band practice. My grandma is all sorts of poderosa.
My guela Ma, in my father's side, is known for raising children right. If you wanted your child to change their attitude, send them to guela Ma who is down the road. For years, when we migrated, she would stay behind and care for all the children. (Mind you we were a handful . . . roughly 12 kids). My grandma worked the fields until she could and until the kids got to be too many. I remember her disciplining us, mainly the boys, through scary story tactics like la llorona y el cu cui, or through feeding us our much needed vegetables, and putting us to clean the house. If our parents worked for our living, we had to work for ours too . . . The mentality of Americans (at least working/lower class American: Pull yourself from your boot straps and then you will achieve the american dream).
Bien poderosas mis abuelas. Now onto my mother. My mother transitioned from the migrant lifestyle to the secretarial lifestyle in the late 90's. But she never forgot who she was and where she came from. She remains true to her roots teaching us the lessons of hard work and dedication, just as she was taught. Although she doesn't know it, she's a nature child at heart. She loves the outdoors, at least the evenings that's for sure. My stress reliever is cleaning, her's is gardening. In knowing all our complications, all our bills, and our heart/head aches, the least I can do is help her out in relieving her stress, and mine at the same time. A clean, weed-free yard is as stress relieving for me as it is for her. But how will I ever continue helping her if I continue to get these so-called blisters? How will my hands, calloused at the wrist from typing, become calloused from working outside? Have my hands become 'middle-class' hands? What does it mean to be the New Mestiza when my hands have smoothed out? Or has my working-class roots been smoothed out?
One hyphenated word: Re-entry.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Ethics in Higher Education
This is a reflection on a "proof-text" (quote) from The Practice of Ethics by LaFollette. The section it comes from is, Part two - Racism.
LaFollette speaks about reverse discrimination againsts dominant groups and their experiences of reverse discrimination as a source of expectations. He goes on to state:
“We could have a world in which the tables were turned: where blacks had systematically enslaved and mistreated whites for hundreds of years, where whites had been systematically excluded from power and wealth. In that world, discrimination against whites would be worse than discrimination against blacks. However, that is not our world, and knowing the nature of this world is critical to knowing how to behave. Sound moral judgments depend critically on knowledge of the relevant context, including knowledge of history, politics, economics, and psychology.” (p.72)
The academic year is winding down and the last thing I want to think about are the last few assignments before graduation. I have my move back home to plan, and my job search to spend time on, and the last thing I want to do is open another book. But luckily for me, every book I have opened for graduate school always manages to engage me. As I sat down to read “The Practice of Ethics”, I thought, "Geesh, another book on ethics", but soon I was reading and reading and reading. The book was filled with quotes like the one above. These quotes always rejuvenate me and feed my curiosity to continue my work as a social justice advocate.
The road to developing my identity as a social justice advocate has not been easy. I am learning to straddle the quite and naive person I was before and the person I am today to as not to lose who I am and my past experiences. I continue to lead with an open mind, engage in active dialogue and seek to understand.
The quote above takes me back to the time when a student at the University of Texas tried to pass a bill, or create a scholarship (I forget what it was) for white men only. He felt as it white men were at a disadvantage when it came to receiving aid, or something to that effect. While I understand the intent of his actions, what he failed to recognize is that the ‘disadvantage’ he felt was created by his own ‘people’. He was using this system of oppression that affects marginalized identities as a way to cover up the reality - that of oppression as opposed to reverse oppression. I have always been an individual that listens patiently to the other person before voicing my own opinions or providing a counter-response, and I often found myself speechless. I did not know how to support my own opinions, and I was afraid of getting my head bitten off, which I have seen happen countless of times. However, UVM-HESA has helped me find the appropriate tools to create “sound moral judgments” in my responses. I can walk out and join a conversation and voice my opinion by providing “relevant context, including […] history, politics, economics, and psychology”.
The other day I had an intense conversation with an old acquaintance from A&M regarding LGBTQA centers and other identity centers on universities. He argued how universities and colleges, especially state funded schools, did not need identity centers because all students, or people for that matter, are created equally (This conversation was spurred from an article about providing a 'traditional values' center on college campuses). Below is our conversation:
A&M: Strange. In a time when we are laying off teachers, we are proposing this? I am quite conservative, but mainly I object to wasting my money on anything. I would argue that the GLBT centers except in genuine study of Human Sexuality, are a waste of money, but the answer to wasting money isn't to waste more. Silly legislation.
Me: well, I would argue that GLBT centers are not about the study of human sexuality but more about a safe space for oppressed sexual identities and allies. If I were to say that I ever felt "uncomfortable" in a space where my heterosexual self was the minority, well, GLBT identified individuals have felt uncomfortable their entire lives. It’s like saying, if there are multicultural centers; well let’s have a white center. I think this whole idea of “traditional” values is ridiculous and yes, legislation is silly!
A&M: I see it quite differently. I see all people as individuals, not as members of groups. I know some people identify more with a group than as an individual, but to me the beauty in human beings is our uniqueness. There will always be places for people to group together. I am a Presbyterian, so I feel more comfortable being in a Presbyterian church. I can’t say that I feel uncomfortable being around those who are unlike me. The pressure to feel safe among one’s own kind could be lessened by the majority engaging in educating themselves so that fear doesn’t rule us. That will not happen in my lifetime, so I would appreciate it if University administrators were left alone to meet market demands without undue legislation. Sexuality, even in the majority heterosexual pops, is so widely varied that you couldn’t even say that we are even similar. I interact with my wife completely differently that man. Again, uniqueness is the rule, not the exception.
Me: Right, I agree in that university administrators should be left alone, but when you have ties with the state, its gets sticky. The only thing we can do as a university community is to provide the safest learning environment for all students. And some of us hold oppressed identities, including myself, where we turn to sage spaces such as an LGBT center or multicultural center to express ourselves, and until individuals learn to “engage by educating themselves”, communities will continue to need such centers. And yes, sad to say, it might not even happen in my lifetime as well.
A&M: I wouldn’t count on it.
A&M: A fascinating thought just crossed my mind though. I do not identify with being white, protestant or other category. In fact, I've never felt at ease with any people but my chosen family (the wife I married and the kids we made), and not even my biological relatives. Are we pursuing a phantom when we seek to feel accepted? Maybe I am weird.
Me: Well . . . in my experience when one holds a dominant identity you do not feel an affinity with those in that community because it’s not a salient identity you think of, I do not feel the need to be accepted by 'my' heterosexual counterparts because that’s a dominant trait I hold. However, when I am in a room and am the only woman or person of color, I seek out the women and people of color, and if there are none, I seek out allies . . . and that’s another discussion all in itself is it a phantom? I don’t know. I would say no. But then I would argue that it’s not even about feeling accepted, it’s about being understood.
While I did not throw in scholarly work, I was able to engage in a conversation I would have otherwise left alone. My responses were backed up and affirmed by my own work, and if he would have decided to throw in a response to the effect of “where does it say that, or what studies show that students need identity centers”, I know I would have thrown in some theory and well-known names. Conversations such as these serve as a dilemma for me because I can either choose to ignore them and let them be, or provide my own context as to why I am sharing the specific article. When I post an article I do not typically voice whether I am for or against the topic addressed. I am curious to see what individuals think, and perhaps play devil's advocate and create a learning moment out of it.
I received support from fellow social justice allies and it just felt intrinsically great to be able to state my opinion in my own words without seeming radical, nuts, or extreme as some people tend to view social justice allies. The following comment is from a friend in response to my conversation above:
Friend: Following Amanda Flores's heated convo on her wall. Cheering you on homegurl!!! Throw some petagogy of the oppressed in there too. He'll never know what hit him, just like his banking information. :)
While I did not throw in some pedagogy of the oppressed (because that calls for a whole other conversation on its own), it felt good knowing that others understood where I was coming from and listened to what I was saying. Because of the literature I have engaged with these past two years, I have become confident in articulating my thoughts. I am able to pick and choose my ethical battles. As a soon-to-be student affairs professional, how ethical would it have been for me NOT to respond to my friend’s comment? How ethical would have been to delete it? How ethical was it for me TO respond?
I like to think I did the right thing.
LaFollette speaks about reverse discrimination againsts dominant groups and their experiences of reverse discrimination as a source of expectations. He goes on to state:
“We could have a world in which the tables were turned: where blacks had systematically enslaved and mistreated whites for hundreds of years, where whites had been systematically excluded from power and wealth. In that world, discrimination against whites would be worse than discrimination against blacks. However, that is not our world, and knowing the nature of this world is critical to knowing how to behave. Sound moral judgments depend critically on knowledge of the relevant context, including knowledge of history, politics, economics, and psychology.” (p.72)
The academic year is winding down and the last thing I want to think about are the last few assignments before graduation. I have my move back home to plan, and my job search to spend time on, and the last thing I want to do is open another book. But luckily for me, every book I have opened for graduate school always manages to engage me. As I sat down to read “The Practice of Ethics”, I thought, "Geesh, another book on ethics", but soon I was reading and reading and reading. The book was filled with quotes like the one above. These quotes always rejuvenate me and feed my curiosity to continue my work as a social justice advocate.
The road to developing my identity as a social justice advocate has not been easy. I am learning to straddle the quite and naive person I was before and the person I am today to as not to lose who I am and my past experiences. I continue to lead with an open mind, engage in active dialogue and seek to understand.
The quote above takes me back to the time when a student at the University of Texas tried to pass a bill, or create a scholarship (I forget what it was) for white men only. He felt as it white men were at a disadvantage when it came to receiving aid, or something to that effect. While I understand the intent of his actions, what he failed to recognize is that the ‘disadvantage’ he felt was created by his own ‘people’. He was using this system of oppression that affects marginalized identities as a way to cover up the reality - that of oppression as opposed to reverse oppression. I have always been an individual that listens patiently to the other person before voicing my own opinions or providing a counter-response, and I often found myself speechless. I did not know how to support my own opinions, and I was afraid of getting my head bitten off, which I have seen happen countless of times. However, UVM-HESA has helped me find the appropriate tools to create “sound moral judgments” in my responses. I can walk out and join a conversation and voice my opinion by providing “relevant context, including […] history, politics, economics, and psychology”.
The other day I had an intense conversation with an old acquaintance from A&M regarding LGBTQA centers and other identity centers on universities. He argued how universities and colleges, especially state funded schools, did not need identity centers because all students, or people for that matter, are created equally (This conversation was spurred from an article about providing a 'traditional values' center on college campuses). Below is our conversation:
A&M: Strange. In a time when we are laying off teachers, we are proposing this? I am quite conservative, but mainly I object to wasting my money on anything. I would argue that the GLBT centers except in genuine study of Human Sexuality, are a waste of money, but the answer to wasting money isn't to waste more. Silly legislation.
Me: well, I would argue that GLBT centers are not about the study of human sexuality but more about a safe space for oppressed sexual identities and allies. If I were to say that I ever felt "uncomfortable" in a space where my heterosexual self was the minority, well, GLBT identified individuals have felt uncomfortable their entire lives. It’s like saying, if there are multicultural centers; well let’s have a white center. I think this whole idea of “traditional” values is ridiculous and yes, legislation is silly!
A&M: I see it quite differently. I see all people as individuals, not as members of groups. I know some people identify more with a group than as an individual, but to me the beauty in human beings is our uniqueness. There will always be places for people to group together. I am a Presbyterian, so I feel more comfortable being in a Presbyterian church. I can’t say that I feel uncomfortable being around those who are unlike me. The pressure to feel safe among one’s own kind could be lessened by the majority engaging in educating themselves so that fear doesn’t rule us. That will not happen in my lifetime, so I would appreciate it if University administrators were left alone to meet market demands without undue legislation. Sexuality, even in the majority heterosexual pops, is so widely varied that you couldn’t even say that we are even similar. I interact with my wife completely differently that man. Again, uniqueness is the rule, not the exception.
Me: Right, I agree in that university administrators should be left alone, but when you have ties with the state, its gets sticky. The only thing we can do as a university community is to provide the safest learning environment for all students. And some of us hold oppressed identities, including myself, where we turn to sage spaces such as an LGBT center or multicultural center to express ourselves, and until individuals learn to “engage by educating themselves”, communities will continue to need such centers. And yes, sad to say, it might not even happen in my lifetime as well.
A&M: I wouldn’t count on it.
A&M: A fascinating thought just crossed my mind though. I do not identify with being white, protestant or other category. In fact, I've never felt at ease with any people but my chosen family (the wife I married and the kids we made), and not even my biological relatives. Are we pursuing a phantom when we seek to feel accepted? Maybe I am weird.
Me: Well . . . in my experience when one holds a dominant identity you do not feel an affinity with those in that community because it’s not a salient identity you think of, I do not feel the need to be accepted by 'my' heterosexual counterparts because that’s a dominant trait I hold. However, when I am in a room and am the only woman or person of color, I seek out the women and people of color, and if there are none, I seek out allies . . . and that’s another discussion all in itself is it a phantom? I don’t know. I would say no. But then I would argue that it’s not even about feeling accepted, it’s about being understood.
While I did not throw in scholarly work, I was able to engage in a conversation I would have otherwise left alone. My responses were backed up and affirmed by my own work, and if he would have decided to throw in a response to the effect of “where does it say that, or what studies show that students need identity centers”, I know I would have thrown in some theory and well-known names. Conversations such as these serve as a dilemma for me because I can either choose to ignore them and let them be, or provide my own context as to why I am sharing the specific article. When I post an article I do not typically voice whether I am for or against the topic addressed. I am curious to see what individuals think, and perhaps play devil's advocate and create a learning moment out of it.
I received support from fellow social justice allies and it just felt intrinsically great to be able to state my opinion in my own words without seeming radical, nuts, or extreme as some people tend to view social justice allies. The following comment is from a friend in response to my conversation above:
Friend: Following Amanda Flores's heated convo on her wall. Cheering you on homegurl!!! Throw some petagogy of the oppressed in there too. He'll never know what hit him, just like his banking information. :)
While I did not throw in some pedagogy of the oppressed (because that calls for a whole other conversation on its own), it felt good knowing that others understood where I was coming from and listened to what I was saying. Because of the literature I have engaged with these past two years, I have become confident in articulating my thoughts. I am able to pick and choose my ethical battles. As a soon-to-be student affairs professional, how ethical would it have been for me NOT to respond to my friend’s comment? How ethical would have been to delete it? How ethical was it for me TO respond?
I like to think I did the right thing.
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Practice Ethics: Racism
LaFollette speaks about the reverse discrimination dominant groups experience as expectations and how these expectations can be viewed as discrimination. He goes on to state:
“We could have a world I which the tables were turned: where blacks had systematically enslaved and mistreated whites for hundreds of years, where whites had been systematically excluded from power and wealth. In that world, discrimination against whites would be worse than discrimination against blacks. However, that is not our world, and knowing the nature of this world is critical to knowing how to behave. Sound moral judgments depend critically on knowledge of the relevant context, including knowledge of history, politics, economics, and psychology.” (p.72)
The academic year is beginning to wind down and the last things I want to think about are the last few assignments before graduation. I have my move back home and my job search to think about and spend time on, and the last thing I want to do is open another book. But luckily for me, every book I have opened for graduate school always manages to engage me. As I sat down to read “The Practice of Ethics”, I read and read and read. Quotes like the one above rejuvenate me in continuing my work as a social justice advocate.
The road to developing my identity as a social justice advocate has not been easy. I am learning to straddle the person I was before and the person I am today to as not to lose who I am and my past experiences. I continue to lead with an open mind, engage in active dialogue and seek to understand. The quote above reminds me of the student who tried to pass a bill or create scholarships for white men only because he saw white men at a disadvantage in receiving aid, something to that effect. While I understand the intent of his actions or reasoning, what he failed to notice is that the ‘disadvantage’ was created by his own ‘people’. This system of oppression that affects marginalized identities is being used as a way to cover up the reality. It is being skewed by the dominant group when they bring in ‘reverse’ discrimination, oppression, etc. I have always been an individual that listens patiently to the other person before saying my own opinions, and often find myself speechless because I did not know how to support my own opinions, and hence why I was afraid of voicing my opinions. However, UVM-HESA has helped me find the appropriate tools to create “sound moral judgments”. Now I can walk out and join a conversation and voice my opinion by providing “relevant context, including […] history, politics, economics, and psychology”.
The other day I had an intense conversation with an old acquaintance from A&M regarding LGBTQA centers and other identity centers on universities. He argued that universities and colleges, especially state funded schools do not need any type of identity centers because all students, or people for that matter, are created equally (This was an article I shared on my profile to invoke conversation with friends). Below is our conversation:
A&M: Strange. In a time when we are laying off teachers, we are proposing this? I am quite conservative, but mainly I object to wasting my money on anything. I would argue that the GLBT centers except in genuine study of Human Sexuality, are a waste of money, but the answer to wasting money isn't to waste more. Silly legislation.
Me: well, I would argue that GLBT centers are not about the study of human sexuality but more about a safe space for oppressed sexual identities and allies. If I were to say that I ever felt "uncomfortable" in a space where my heterosexual self was the minority, well, GLBT identified individuals have felt uncomfortable their entire lives. It’s like saying, if there are multicultural centers; well let’s have a white center. I think this whole idea of “traditional” values is ridiculous and yes, legislation is silly!
A&M: I see it quite differently. I see all people as individuals, not as members of groups. I know some people identify more with a group than as an individual, but to me the beauty in human beings is our uniqueness. There will always be places for people to group together. I am a Presbyterian, so I feel more comfortable being in a Presbyterian church. I can’t say that I feel uncomfortable being around those who are unlike me. The pressure to feel safe among one’s own kind could be lessened by the majority engaging in educating themselves so that fear doesn’t rule us. That will not happen in my lifetime, so I would appreciate it if University administrators were left alone to meet market demands without undue legislation. Sexuality, even in the majority heterosexual pops, is so widely varied that you couldn’t even say that we are even similar. I interact with my wife completely differently that man. Again, uniqueness is the rule, not the exception.
Me: Right, I agree in that university administrators should be left alone, but when you have ties with the state, its gets sticky. The only thing we can do as a university community is to provide the safest learning environment for all students. And some of us hold oppressed identities, including myself, where we turn to sage spaces such as an LGBT center or multicultural center to express ourselves, and until individuals learn to “engage by educating themselves”, communities will continue to need such centers. And yes, sad to say, it might not even happen in my lifetime as well.
A&M: I wouldn’t count on it.
A&M: A fascinating thought just crossed my mind though. I do not identify with being white, protestant or other category. In fact, I've never felt at ease with any people but my chosen family (the wife I married and the kids we made), and not even my biological relatives. Are we pursuing a phantom when we seek to feel accepted? Maybe I am weird.
Me: Well . . . in my experience when one holds a dominant identity you do not feel an affinity with those in that community because it’s not a salient identity you think of, I do not feel the need to be accepted by 'my' heterosexual counterparts because that’s a dominant trait I hold. However, when I am in a room and am the only woman or person of color, I seek out the women and people of color, and if there are none, I seek out allies . . . and that’s another discussion all in itself is it a phantom? I don’t know. I would say no. But then I would argue that it’s not even about feeling accepted, it’s about being understood.
While I did not throw in scholarly work, I was able to engage in a conversation I would have otherwise left alone. My responses were backed up and affirmed by my own work, and if he would have decided to throw in a response to the effect of “where does it say that, or what studies show that students need identity centers”, I know I would have been able to do that, even throw in some rights movements, provide a historical context. Conversations such as these serve as a dilemma for me because I can either choose to ignore the first comment and let it be, or provide my own context as to why I am sharing the specific article. I got lots of support from fellow social justice allies and it just felt intrinsically great to be able to state my opinion in my own words without seeming radical, nuts, or extreme as some people tend to view social justice allies.
The following comment is from a friend:
Friend: Following Amanda Flores's heated convo on her wall. Cheering you on homegurl!!! Throw some petagogy of the oppressed in there too. He'll never know what hit him, just like his banking information. :)
While I did not throw in some pedagogy of the oppressed (because that calls for a whole other conversation on its own), I felt good knowing that others understood where I was coming from and understood what I was saying. Because of the literature I have engaged with these past two years, I have become confident in articulating my thoughts. I am able to pick and choose my ethical battles. As a soon to be student affairs professional, how ethical would it have been for me to NOT respond to my friend’s comment? How ethical would have been to delete it? How ethical was it for me to respond?
I like to think I did the right thing.
“We could have a world I which the tables were turned: where blacks had systematically enslaved and mistreated whites for hundreds of years, where whites had been systematically excluded from power and wealth. In that world, discrimination against whites would be worse than discrimination against blacks. However, that is not our world, and knowing the nature of this world is critical to knowing how to behave. Sound moral judgments depend critically on knowledge of the relevant context, including knowledge of history, politics, economics, and psychology.” (p.72)
The academic year is beginning to wind down and the last things I want to think about are the last few assignments before graduation. I have my move back home and my job search to think about and spend time on, and the last thing I want to do is open another book. But luckily for me, every book I have opened for graduate school always manages to engage me. As I sat down to read “The Practice of Ethics”, I read and read and read. Quotes like the one above rejuvenate me in continuing my work as a social justice advocate.
The road to developing my identity as a social justice advocate has not been easy. I am learning to straddle the person I was before and the person I am today to as not to lose who I am and my past experiences. I continue to lead with an open mind, engage in active dialogue and seek to understand. The quote above reminds me of the student who tried to pass a bill or create scholarships for white men only because he saw white men at a disadvantage in receiving aid, something to that effect. While I understand the intent of his actions or reasoning, what he failed to notice is that the ‘disadvantage’ was created by his own ‘people’. This system of oppression that affects marginalized identities is being used as a way to cover up the reality. It is being skewed by the dominant group when they bring in ‘reverse’ discrimination, oppression, etc. I have always been an individual that listens patiently to the other person before saying my own opinions, and often find myself speechless because I did not know how to support my own opinions, and hence why I was afraid of voicing my opinions. However, UVM-HESA has helped me find the appropriate tools to create “sound moral judgments”. Now I can walk out and join a conversation and voice my opinion by providing “relevant context, including […] history, politics, economics, and psychology”.
The other day I had an intense conversation with an old acquaintance from A&M regarding LGBTQA centers and other identity centers on universities. He argued that universities and colleges, especially state funded schools do not need any type of identity centers because all students, or people for that matter, are created equally (This was an article I shared on my profile to invoke conversation with friends). Below is our conversation:
A&M: Strange. In a time when we are laying off teachers, we are proposing this? I am quite conservative, but mainly I object to wasting my money on anything. I would argue that the GLBT centers except in genuine study of Human Sexuality, are a waste of money, but the answer to wasting money isn't to waste more. Silly legislation.
Me: well, I would argue that GLBT centers are not about the study of human sexuality but more about a safe space for oppressed sexual identities and allies. If I were to say that I ever felt "uncomfortable" in a space where my heterosexual self was the minority, well, GLBT identified individuals have felt uncomfortable their entire lives. It’s like saying, if there are multicultural centers; well let’s have a white center. I think this whole idea of “traditional” values is ridiculous and yes, legislation is silly!
A&M: I see it quite differently. I see all people as individuals, not as members of groups. I know some people identify more with a group than as an individual, but to me the beauty in human beings is our uniqueness. There will always be places for people to group together. I am a Presbyterian, so I feel more comfortable being in a Presbyterian church. I can’t say that I feel uncomfortable being around those who are unlike me. The pressure to feel safe among one’s own kind could be lessened by the majority engaging in educating themselves so that fear doesn’t rule us. That will not happen in my lifetime, so I would appreciate it if University administrators were left alone to meet market demands without undue legislation. Sexuality, even in the majority heterosexual pops, is so widely varied that you couldn’t even say that we are even similar. I interact with my wife completely differently that man. Again, uniqueness is the rule, not the exception.
Me: Right, I agree in that university administrators should be left alone, but when you have ties with the state, its gets sticky. The only thing we can do as a university community is to provide the safest learning environment for all students. And some of us hold oppressed identities, including myself, where we turn to sage spaces such as an LGBT center or multicultural center to express ourselves, and until individuals learn to “engage by educating themselves”, communities will continue to need such centers. And yes, sad to say, it might not even happen in my lifetime as well.
A&M: I wouldn’t count on it.
A&M: A fascinating thought just crossed my mind though. I do not identify with being white, protestant or other category. In fact, I've never felt at ease with any people but my chosen family (the wife I married and the kids we made), and not even my biological relatives. Are we pursuing a phantom when we seek to feel accepted? Maybe I am weird.
Me: Well . . . in my experience when one holds a dominant identity you do not feel an affinity with those in that community because it’s not a salient identity you think of, I do not feel the need to be accepted by 'my' heterosexual counterparts because that’s a dominant trait I hold. However, when I am in a room and am the only woman or person of color, I seek out the women and people of color, and if there are none, I seek out allies . . . and that’s another discussion all in itself is it a phantom? I don’t know. I would say no. But then I would argue that it’s not even about feeling accepted, it’s about being understood.
While I did not throw in scholarly work, I was able to engage in a conversation I would have otherwise left alone. My responses were backed up and affirmed by my own work, and if he would have decided to throw in a response to the effect of “where does it say that, or what studies show that students need identity centers”, I know I would have been able to do that, even throw in some rights movements, provide a historical context. Conversations such as these serve as a dilemma for me because I can either choose to ignore the first comment and let it be, or provide my own context as to why I am sharing the specific article. I got lots of support from fellow social justice allies and it just felt intrinsically great to be able to state my opinion in my own words without seeming radical, nuts, or extreme as some people tend to view social justice allies.
The following comment is from a friend:
Friend: Following Amanda Flores's heated convo on her wall. Cheering you on homegurl!!! Throw some petagogy of the oppressed in there too. He'll never know what hit him, just like his banking information. :)
While I did not throw in some pedagogy of the oppressed (because that calls for a whole other conversation on its own), I felt good knowing that others understood where I was coming from and understood what I was saying. Because of the literature I have engaged with these past two years, I have become confident in articulating my thoughts. I am able to pick and choose my ethical battles. As a soon to be student affairs professional, how ethical would it have been for me to NOT respond to my friend’s comment? How ethical would have been to delete it? How ethical was it for me to respond?
I like to think I did the right thing.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Reflections
I have defended my comprehensive exam, and sat in two other defenses. Everytime I have sat in a defense I am reminded of the reasons why I fell in love with this career. Student Affairs is more than just programming, which is what I have experience in. Student Affairs is about creating an environment conducive to learning, growing, maturing, and learning some more. One my cohort mates basically wrote a book for her comprehensive exam. She wrote a memoir to mentors. She collected stories from her own mentees and wrote about her own experiences as a mentee and a mentor. See, while we may not have the title "Student Mentor Coordinator", we are in a sence mentors to students. We are the first individuals they meet outside of their academics. Earlier on in my blog I wrote about my own mentors, my own lanterns. I credit them a lot for my successes. And in this field, we have to make sure we care about our students, there must be something greater than ourselves to keep us going. You see, there is something called "burnout" and it is something I fear as I enter this field. I do not want to lose focus and purpose as I navigate my career in this field. Oftentimes, we burnout because it is a constant 'drudge', but we must see beyond the same program, understand each of our students, acknowledge how students change generation to generation, and each year they need us to help them navigate their own career path and decisions. They are the next generation. As I was walking to the gym yesterday to release some much needed stress, I noticed how quite a lot of students were hanging out in the quad outside their residence halls. It was an amazing scene, one I cannot wait to ge my hands on as a professional. The sun was out, it was roughly 50degrees and that meant they could finally hang outside and enjoy the brisk New England air. Students were playing frisbee on the green, while others played basketball on half the court, on the other half a group of 4 men were playing field hockey on roller blades (that reminded me I need to get some). To my right, there was a group of young ladys basking in the sun and chatting, and next to them was a gathering of hool-a-hoop students. And all around me students were walking, running, biking, skipping, and enjoying life. Oh the joy of being a student. At that moment I was reminded about my own experiences as an undergraduate and how much community played an important role in my persistence to graduation. And that is why I am in this field, to help others find their community and succeed.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
March Madness
So much had come and gone through the month of March. Why is it that March is one of the busiest month's of the year? It is as if we intentionally program and plan the most important and exciting parts of our life's in March, at least that has been my experience. I started off the month of March by welcoming the first group of HESA Interviews. As aspiring professionals working on our networking, we are always on. I hosted a young lady from Seattle, WA and had the privilege of speaking with a table of all women during lunch about my experiences in VT, and capped the night off by answering questions as a part of a "current student panel". Events like these always remind me of my choice to attend UVM and why I will miss it dearly despite the tears shed in the classroom, the frustrations shared with freinds over transportation and other menial things, and the lack of support I often felt at given times. Vermont is truly a unique place that will always have a place in my heart. The following week, it was Spring Break. And I do not know WHY I NEVER plan my Spring Break accordingly. WHY?! Last year NASPA was during spring break, so both events sort of blended with each other. But this year, I had the entire week to myself. I suppose that was a good thing considering I am introvert. However, the first day of spring break, guess what welcomed me on my doorstep? (or shall I say second floor apt window) SNOW!!! SNOW?! That is when I knew I did not make the right decision staying home. I was a bit distraught as you know, I am not a fan of snow, at least not during the month of March. But thanks to my great neighbor, Susannah Lawrence, I was able to venture out in the snow and dig myself in piles and piles of snow. I was 'walking' on 3ft of snow, or so, while Susannah snow shoed. It was great the adventure. I guess I'll miss VT's spontaneous snow days. Needless to say, President Fogel canceled classes and called it a snow day, but did it really count since students were out on SB? I'll let you be the judge of that. After SB came the NASPA conference. Friends often wonder why I make a big deal about NASPA (and ACPA for that matter), why I make a HUGE effort to get my butt to the conference. This is the one time, the one place where I can reconnect with my past, rejoice with my present, and welcome the future. I am able to "saw'em off" with Aggies at the Texas A&M reception, have dinner outside of VT with some of my VT family, and network with prospective employers, co-programmers, etc. They remind me to breathe, that outside of Burlington, VT exists this entire world, this entire group of individuals working for the same cause you are. I am rejuvenated, enlightened, and refreshed. Then, after all is done and said at NASPA, I came back to the 2nd round of HESA interviews. Again, I got a hostee, this time from Univ of Connecticut (and she adored Gabino and Po). Gabino and Po, LOVE these weekends because it is the two times out of the year when someone actually cares for them and pets them (JK). By this weekend, I am slowly but surely feeling overwhelmed. My introvertedness begins to tell me to settle down, drink fluids, and get sleep so you do not get sick. And I do just that. I did my part in the dinners, the panels, the interviewing, and the hosting. I am glad to say that interviews are done, and now both cohorts are waiting with anticipation to learn who next year's first year cohort will be. Hopefully we will know soon. The VT Connection is growing! Lastly, I attended the ACPA conference held in Baltimore, MD. This conference was like no other. I got to travel by car with my closest HESA brothers, Vay and Salo. Mom . . . They took care of me. They took me to MD and back with out a scratch. We took off Thursday to NY. We took one-day pit stop at NY and enjoyed its city craziness!!! (We were able to attend the off-broadway show "Fuerza Bruta", and eat AMAZING DELICIOUS NON-VERMONT FOOD!!!). This NY trip is definitely one for the books, thanks guys! Afterwards, we hit the road on Friday to Baltimore where I was able to network like crazy. I met Texans left and right, dropped my name and positions I had applied for. Met up with my SJTI family (Social Justice Training Institute) and laughed, toured, joked, smiled, reminisced with my conference buddy Elizabeth Blanco (Western Michigan University). Liz and I met at last year's NASPA conference, and have since seen each other at each conference and hung out, as well as Valerie (my conference trio). So, if someone asks me, are you going to miss VT? Of Course!!! But I will always know that I will be able to reconnect with my VT community at conferences. And when someone asks me, Why do you have to go? Because I have community to visit.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Got Space?
It's been another long while since I last posted. Not so sure if this blogging hobby is for me, but I'll try to keep at it. So, as some of you may know, I successfully defended my comps (thesis)!!! I defended on March 3rd at 9am. My committee consisted of my notable professor Robert J. Nash, my assistantship supervisor Dr. Sherwood Smith, my practicum and summer internship supervisor Dr. Stacey Aileen Miller, my great friend Dr. DeMethra LaSha Bradley, and my ubbertly wonderful Graduate Colleague (GC) Jesenia Gervacio. All great individuals who have positively impacted my experience at the University of Vermont. Stories were shared, tears were shed, and warmth was felt through out the room. I openly spoke about growing up as a migrant farmworking student, giving a different meaning to the phrase 'coming out'. For many individuals I am the first person they have met who grew up as a migrant who actually worked in the fields. I kept this identity hidden because of ingrained messages that kept me believing it was an inferior way of living. Only God knows how much internal oppression and stereotype threat I developed believing these messages. Slowly I have learned to breathe light to my experiences and accept who and where I come from.
Vermont has aided me in appreciating where I come from and provided me with the confidence to identity with who I am. Grant it I was provided with other opportunities and experiences to 'find myself', but UVM HESA, in particular, provided me with the space to develop and make meaning out of those experiences. During a conversation, my friend and I were talking about spaces and what they meant and how we are all creators of our spaces to ourselves and to others. I have chosen my career path to be education because I want to provide a space for students to discover themselves and to understand themselves and develop themselves into leaders. Words cannot express how excited, anxious, and desperate I am to know where I will end up next year. Which students I will have the opportunity to work with. What spaces will I be able to create, new and old.
I ask you, when have you provided a space to be yourself? In what spaces are you at your best? What type of people have created a space for you?
I thank my parents for providing me the space to be my migrant self. I thank my sisters for creating a space with me where we are able to joke, laugh, cry, get mad for no apparent reason, and to be our Tejana selfs. I thank my mentors, teachers, educators, and friends for giving me a space where I could slowly rediscover myself.
*If you would like to know more about my comps presentation, I posted two videos I used for my presentation. I hope to continue to share stories of migrant students post-graduate school. Thanks to all who helped make my comps defense be what it was!!!
Vermont has aided me in appreciating where I come from and provided me with the confidence to identity with who I am. Grant it I was provided with other opportunities and experiences to 'find myself', but UVM HESA, in particular, provided me with the space to develop and make meaning out of those experiences. During a conversation, my friend and I were talking about spaces and what they meant and how we are all creators of our spaces to ourselves and to others. I have chosen my career path to be education because I want to provide a space for students to discover themselves and to understand themselves and develop themselves into leaders. Words cannot express how excited, anxious, and desperate I am to know where I will end up next year. Which students I will have the opportunity to work with. What spaces will I be able to create, new and old.
I ask you, when have you provided a space to be yourself? In what spaces are you at your best? What type of people have created a space for you?
I thank my parents for providing me the space to be my migrant self. I thank my sisters for creating a space with me where we are able to joke, laugh, cry, get mad for no apparent reason, and to be our Tejana selfs. I thank my mentors, teachers, educators, and friends for giving me a space where I could slowly rediscover myself.
*If you would like to know more about my comps presentation, I posted two videos I used for my presentation. I hope to continue to share stories of migrant students post-graduate school. Thanks to all who helped make my comps defense be what it was!!!
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