In his book, Limbo, Lubrano highlights the many experiences people with working-class backgrounds go through when working towards white-collar dreams and life, also known as straddlers. I am a straddler. I come from a working-class family and because I am in school, in particular graduate school, I have already entered middle-class. However, I constantly find myself lost and out of place. I have been in Vermont for a year already, studying besides colleagues with completely different perspectives and backgrounds, and living with undergraduate students whose parents' income is probably four times as much as my family's income. Dining, shopping, and enjoying the fruits of life in Vermont has been tough to enjoy when knowing that back home things may not be going well. Doing things out of the ordinary in order to network and socialize comes with discomfort because sometimes it is not me. I find myself constantly putting this mask to get ahead and move with the crowd.
I went home three weeks ago after a 6-month dream in Vermont, and the first thing I did was attend a Mexican wedding. My heart knew I was home. I was smiling inside and out, and I knew at that moment, that I would experience culture shock again once I came back to Vermont. My feet danced to the beats of guapangos and banda music, although I have two left feet, but they still enjoyed themselves. My ears finally listened vigorously to the music of the mariachis, which I missed dearly. My first question after the invite to the wedding was, "Will there be mariachi music?" I was desperate for my culture. The wedding fed my thirst for my culture, and to that I am thankful for the invitation. After my 3-day excursion at the wedding, it was time to finally head home to the valley!
Upon arriving to the Valley, reality struck and I could not get Lubrano's words out of my head. I had woken up from my VT dream, and lets just say it wasn't a "sweet dream". Lubrano speaks about going away to college and individuals being in a dream, but then wake up once they go back home. I was home, but my sweet dream had just begun. I saw the many privileges my family had, which many in the dominant and sub-dominant groups would call disadvantages. The privileges of living day by day not knowing what awaits us. With funds running scarce, there is a fairly large list of things-to-do and fix-ups around the house but that did not stop us from having fun. I did as much as I could to help my family with the list. As much as I'd like to share our living situation, it hurts to even think about it. Let's just say I do not have the same worries when I am in VT. I have food, clean water, and a secured roof over my head. I constantly found myself telling my mom, "One more year, one more year and we will all graduate, and hopefully begin the big move from Sullivan City". That is another transition Lubrano speaks about. Straddlers do not only hope to make it to middle-class, but also hope and wish on the day that their family will join them as well. My mother's dream for us might be for us to get a successful job and live a successful life, but my dream is to someday repay my mother for her hard work and effort in raising 4 daughters. Leaving the Valley was bittersweet.
I am in VT now, and once again going through culture shock. I don't think I'll ever learn how to cope with the environment up here. The only way, I believe, will be to stay away from the Valley permanently, but that is not possible. While visiting at home, I had a successful meeting with the directors of the College Access and Support Programs at UTPA. They spoke about their accomplishments as directors, and the reasons of why they do what they do. They have esperanza, hope. Hope that they can help working-class students achieve their dreams and those of their parents. Sounds familiar.
In the meantime, I must put on a face, expand my network, and learn how to survive as a middle-class individual.
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