Supressing Identities

For the most part, I have spent my time thinking about my identities and how I have come to be the person I am in terms of values, customs, and beliefs. I also find myself opposed to many comments in our classroom discussions when they are centered around issues and causes affecting particular races. I do not believe it's because I'm ignorant or know better, it's because of how I was raised.

Sadly, we addressed the issue of student activism on campus and what our roles as Student Affairs professionals should be. In particular, we discussed an incident where students staged a hunger strike and how UVM officials had to send in medical personnel to make sure the students were at least properly hydrated and not dying. While the discussion evolved around our responsibility to the students, my head was spinning because all I could or wanted to say was, it's the students decision to do this or that, let them starve if they want, I'm not going to waste my time with this nonsense. Those who protest are just used to getting everything their way, spoiled as I would say, and expect it to be that way.

However, after much pondering in the corner (I did not speak up in class because I know I would get chewed up considering UVM is a proactive university) I reflected on my upbringing and who I am. There are two other latinos in my cohort which are very much rooted in who they are and their activism, while me on the other hand, am not bothered by stuff that ticks them off. For example, call me latina, hispanic, mexican, I do not care. But for them, it must be either Latina/o or the like, none of this hispanic or mexican vocabulary. I am not sure if it's just a case of overreacting or standing up for their beliefs and customs?

When I reflect on my childhood, I remember not voicing my concerns and just going with the flow because that was the easier thing to do. My parents, especially my father, has always been one to follow the flow and live life with out confrontation. And as I step back and analyze my responses I realize I have become my father. I do not like to give "la contra", I often tend to agree to avoid confrontation and disagreement. Because of my lack in voicing my opinion, I am afraid I will not know how to support my views and beliefs if attack. Am I suppressing my ideas/beliefs/identities by not voicing them? Or Am I afraid of standing up for what i belief? I hope to be able to explore this within the next few weeks, or semesters.