To Be or Not To Be . . . Latina/Hispanic

It's been a long personal battle, but I think it's time to name my thoughts towards the assigned identities of Latina and Hispanic, and what it means to be Latina or Hispanic. Many times I am faced with the question, "How do you identify, Latina or Hispanic?" As I think about my respond cautiously, many thoughts run through my head: Is this person of Latin descent (any country in Latin America other than Mexico), is this person Mexican, or is this individual a scholar (or so they think they are) and solely want to "educate" me on the origin of the term Hispanic and Latina? Either or, I will probably get the same respond from the scholar and the individual from Latin descent, and I really am not sure what respond I'd get from the person who might be of Mexican descent, because in reality this question almost always comes from the latter two. Through out this academic year I found myself contemplating and asking, "Who am I?" Out of many possible answers I always find myself wondering why I do not stick to one ethnic group/term? Will I always leave myself for question in regards to being Latina or Hispanic to others? And then I thought I had reached a conclusion, "Think what you want, I am Latina, Hispanic, and even South East Asian, I don't really care, but do not forget I am Texan, or Tejana". But in reality, I did care. Asides from pledging my allegiance to the great state of Texas, I long to solidify my identity of being Latina or Hispanic.

So, I got to thinking how in the Rio Grande Valley, where I attribute my early successes to, the HISPANIC population is largely composed of individuals from Mexican descent. Whether you came from Mexico or born from Mexican parents, we are all Hispanic, and referred ourselves as Hispanic. As I left for college, I landed at Texas A&M University, a predominantly white university that uses the 'coined' term Hispanic to refer to its Latino/Hispanic student population. This is where the 'education' of the term came to be. The word Hispanic is a term created by the dominant culture way back when, thus it was given and assigned to my people and culture. The term Latina/o was launched as a result of the chicano/a movement and created by Latinos themselves (or so I believe). But which brown people, for a lack of a better term, did this word refer to? If I refer myself to Latina, I will then get the question, "Oh, which Latin American country are you from?" In which I will then respond with "Well . . . I am from Texas but am from Mexican descent", which in turn I might get the "Oh then you're not Latin" respond, which I have received in the past, which will also stir up the feelings of invalidation towards my culture. (Which means, everything I stand for means nothing in the eyes of that individual thus devaluating my experiences and who I am, and I hate to even go there.) Now, if I respond with "I am Hispanic" then the conversation stops there, that is if the individual has no bias towards using the term Hispanic, which very often they do have a bias and so goes on the education of where the term Hispanic originated. If the conversation stops there, then I (at least) get the feeling that I have been accepted for who I am and for who I choose to me.

I know where the term is from and do not need to be educated and I prefer not to be in limbo. I am Hispanic from Texas and proud of it.

Thanks and gig'em!